Does the narcissist miss you after the break up?
While you are grieving during a devastating discard, do they even care?
When the narcissist discards you, do they miss you?
The answer is yes and no. They miss the supply that you gave to their ego. They do not miss the things that make you characteristically yourself: such as your integrity, the love that you have to give, your empathy for other people.
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These are things that narcissists lack and therefore cannot understand. They miss you in a way that relates back to them. For example, they will miss you because they are jealous that you're with somebody else, or because they feel like they have possession and ownership over you, or because they are having trouble finding someone new, or it didn't work out with that other person and you are the easiest choice to go back to.
A person who is not a narcissist will miss someone for deeper reasons than just usefulness to them in that moment. They'll miss the person because they really care for them deeply.
The narcissist does not miss you because they care for you deeply. They never could be capable of caring for you deeply.
They're only capable of seeing people as objects. They are constantly asking themselves, What can they do for me? How do they enhance my life?
They don't think about how they could enhance YOUR life, or how they could make your day a little bit brighter every day.
They are just not programmed to think this way. Knowing this will give you a sense of strength, because when you go through a breakup with a narcissist, you are breaking a trauma bond. It is essentially like trying to get sober from drugs and alcohol.
And a big question that comes up during this process is, Do they miss me?
But once you realize that they don't miss you in a very deep capacity, then it is easier to focus your healing on your own feelings and less on this monster who caused you so much pain.
It really doesn't matter if they miss you. The good part is that they're out of your life and whatever level they do actually care is not enough to be at the level that you deserve as a person.
Narcissists are textbook. Most behave in very similar patterns. Unfortunately for you, it was just a matter of time before this discard happened.
There was nothing you could have said or done differently to prevent this.
So I want you to really understand that because now we're going to get to the portion of healing where you stop having regrets.
It is a part of our DNA to think, What if I would have said this? What if I would have done that? I have regrets about how I played this. Maybe we would have ended up together.
There was no happily ever after with a narcissist.
You were future faked. They tricked you into thinking there could be a happily ever after because they were using you and manipulating you the entire time. You did everything you possibly could have done, but you were working against a fate that was inevitable.
And so with that in mind, you cannot possibly have any regrets. You did the best that you could, and honestly, this relationship was not worth fighting for.
It was making you lose yourself.
You were all consumed by them.
You were thinking about them and obsessing nonstop.
That is no way to live. It wasn't healthy.
You were drowning and now you are able to live life more for yourself.
Focus all the energy and mental fortitude that you had on them towards doing or learning something new. You could:
Take a free online course.
Start a Etsy business.
Get involved in a new sport.
Plan a dream vacation and then travel.
Whatever it is, focus on that one thing that you have always wanted to do instead of thinking about them.
If you have regrets about the time that you wasted with your ex, then you need to get to work right now doing the things that you want to do with your life and meeting the people that you deserve — who will treat you with kindness and respect at all times.
You need to put yourself out there through your hobbies. Do everything you've ever wanted to do.
And the minute you start working on yourself and living your life for you, you will find that any regrets disappear completely.
For remote one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, email me: Danielle.radin@gmail.com
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Subscribing to this newsletter financially contributes to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center — providing education, awareness, and low-cost counseling to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Become a victim advocate with your donation!