Healing from a break up with a narcissist
How do you break your trauma bond and move on from a narcissist?
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Going through a narcissistic breakup is one of the most painful things of all time.
Because the relationship was so intense, the most intense relationship you've ever had, it is very confusing.
When they ultimately discard you or force you to discard them, you feel that you are being robbed of a future that you could have had with them, your ideal perfect life.
And they are taking that away.
So the first step is to realize that that was never going to happen.
You are a lot better off now, even if it doesn't feel that way, than with a narcissist in your life.
They are really good at future faking.
They give you all these promises of how beautiful your time together is going to be.
And then they don't deliver.
They don't give you promises of what life is going to be like with them now, because they can't lie in the present.
You're in the present.
All they can do is give you this false package of what your life could be like because in reality they have no intention or will to give you that.
So that was all an illusion, that future that you were looking forward to was never going to happen with this person.
So if you stop feeling like you lost something — this big grand future — and accept it never existed, that will make you feel worlds better in your healing journey.
Because now you have NOT lost anything and in fact start to take your mentality from “I miss this person” to “thank goodness this person is not in my life for a day longer.”
The next step is to then think about what is it that you miss.
And I think for a lot of us the answer is something along the lines of “oh, this person really understood me.”
“I opened up to them and they heard me and I felt seen.”
But in reality, they were just mirroring you so that they seemed like your perfect partner, so that they could do all these things like future fake you and move into your place or get you to fall in love with them quicker so that you give them a constant stream of external supply.
Whatever their motive was.
It was all manipulation.
So with that in mind, you don't really miss them and it's actually better off to not have them in your life.
For remote one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, email me: Danielle.radin@gmail.com
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Subscribing to this newsletter financially contributes to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center — providing education, awareness, and low-cost counseling to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Become a victim advocate with your donation!