Narcissists and Lying
Why do narcissists lie so much? Do they believe their own lies?
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Whatever lie or deceitful act you have caught the narcissist in, that is only 10% of what they are actually doing.
This is an iceberg and you have seen one horrific thing out of a series of horrific things that they have been doing since you've known them and before you knew them.
That's because narcissists live their lives on a web of lies and manipulation.
If you happen to catch something, it's a small hint of way worse things that they're doing.
They have also been doing this to all their previous partners.
You just don't know about it.
Or they manipulated the narrative so that it seems like you're the first one to get this, but you're not.
If you caught them cheating with one person, they're probably cheating with 10.
Or they're at least talking to five other people too.
If you caught them in some small act, like maybe they stole something from a restaurant, they have been stealing from others and maybe even you.
If you call them out on their lie, they will defend the web to their death no matter how much evidence you have.
They will then gaslight you into thinking that you have nothing on them.
Narcissists who are confronted with a police interrogation lie and lie and flip and spin things.
Even when the police know the truth and they're trying to get them to admit it, they still never will.
Because in a narcissist mind, even if they can save face by 2%, they've won.
So if you catch them cheating with five people, and you suspect there's a 6th, and they can convince you that sixth person didn't ever exist, you're sitting here going, well, there's five others…that's a victory to them because their mask is still on with that one person.
They will do anything to put themselves in a better light because they hate themselves and they have been tricking people into liking them since they were children.
This is helpful for you to know that whatever you've discovered, whatever atrocious behavior you have seen is tenfold of what you've actually seen.
You don't need to get further proof because these people are all the same and I'm telling you that it's worse than what you've discovered.
This should be motivation to get out as soon as you humanly can.
I highly recommend, if you can do this in a safe way.
If you catch the narcissist doing some kind of criminal act, like domestic violence for example, to at least file a police report so that there is a record and the next person that they assault has a better chance of getting a conviction.
Even if you don't, they will never change.
They will keep doing the same stuff that you have discovered over and over, so it's best to leave.
Does the narcissist believe their own lies?
The answer is yes and no.
Narcissist builds their life on a web of lies and then manipulates people into liking them.
Because of this, the entire foundation of their personality is dependent on that web of lies.
If you call them out on their lies, the mask slips and their House of Cards starts to crumble, and that cannot happen in their eyes.
So they will do anything to try to justify the lies.
Because of this, they can get so intertwined into their lives that they start to believe some of them.
In a certain sense, the lies that they believe the most are the ones that say that they are the victims in every situation.
No matter what, they will build a narrative in their head that the other person deserved it and they were a victim, or that the other person was attacking them and they had to quit their job or break up with the person or whatever it is.
This is why they can do terrible things to you and emotionally physically abuse you and still make themselves seem like the victim.
They will convince themselves in their mind that you deserved it somehow.
For example, if they cheat on you, they will say, well, you weren't giving me enough attention, you weren't supportive enough, you mentioned your ex.
Even though none of those things are equal to cheating, they will justify in their mind and then believe that they were right in what they were doing.
They honestly can sleep at night knowing that they did that because they convinced themselves that either you deserved it or that they had to get revenge on you somehow.
There are certain lies that they don't believe that they will just straight up try to sell anyway.
But if they're telling you they're the CEO of a company and they're really not, they logically know that they're not.
But the scariest lies are the ones that they convince themselves are true, because they can use that to justify any sort of abuse against anyone.
This is why, time and time again, people will tell you to run as far away as you can from the narcissist.
These are not logical people.
You cannot talk sense into them.
They cannot change.
If they tried to change this entire web, that is, their personality would fall apart.
And there's nothing underneath that web.
They have no internal sense of self.
The web is all there is.
And if that web is taken away, they go into a narcissistic collapse, a deep depression, and they tried to prevent that by any means necessary.
So just get out of there if you can, and if you cannot, just gray rock them.
Let them believe their lies and just try to remove yourself from the situation as much as you can.
How to tell if you are being future faked by a narcissist.
Future faking is what a narcissist does when you are first getting together and throughout the relationship to get you hooked by making false promises about the beautiful future that you can have together with no intention of ever going through with any of the said promises.
Most of the time this looks like them telling you they want to take you on extravagant vacations they have never felt this way.
I want to marry you.
They want to move in with you and they make all these big plans.
The important point to know about future faking is the reason it's efficient is because they have been listening to your hopes, wants and desires since day one and they are mirroring what you want to you so that you stick around longer.
Keep in mind this is not what the narcissist wants.
They are manipulating you.
The narcissist doesn't want the same things as you.
All they want are power and control.
They're not interested in a love that is honest or true.
That's why they are manipulating you and promising you this grand future so that they can take power over you.
So the way to be foolproof against future faking is to not be too vulnerable in the beginning of the relationship.
Do not expose what your deepest hopes and desires for the future are.
They will be used against you.
For example, if you really want to have children in the next year, that is bait for the narcissist to take your deepest desire, your biological desire, and then tell you that that's what they want to when really they have no interest.
In order to convey this message to the person you're dating in a safe way, just tell them that you would like to have children.
Don't give a timeline or say that you would like to go to Japan someday.
Don't say that you absolutely need to get to Japan by all cost because it's top of your list and you will always regret it if you don't go express your hopes for the future in a more casual way and then understand that words without actions are meaningless.
Anybody who you have only known for a few months who's saying let's get a house together, go on Zillow and pick one out for us, let's go to the Caribbean.
If they are not booking the ticket in front of you and presenting it to you, if they are not meeting with a realtor so that you can move in together, those are just words.
They don't mean anything and at worst they are being used so that they can gain power and control over you.
Don't let it happen.
For remote one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, email me: Danielle.radin@gmail.com
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Subscribing to this newsletter financially contributes to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center: spreading education, awareness, and information to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Become a victim advocate with your donation!