Narcissists and Projection
Narcissists take advantage of you when you are projecting your own good intentions and authenticity onto them.
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A narcissist is able to abuse you as long as they can because of projection.
You are projecting your good morals onto them, thinking that they have those same morals.
That's why you give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's why you say, “Oh, they didn't really mean that.”
That's why you say, “They were just drunk.”
That’s why you say, “They're going to change, they're going to be better.”
That is you projecting your own need to be a good person and be a better person onto them.
In reality, they DID mean that.
They DON’T want to be a better person.
They DO NOT change.
And they KNOW that you're going to give them the benefit of the doubt.
These are truly evil monsters of people.
Your entire relationship has been a projection because they mirror your likes and interests so that they seem like your perfect partner.
Any little hint of things that you've said that you want in a partner or that you appreciate…they are picking up on that and mirroring your likes, desires, and personality traits.
Then they're able to continue to weasel their way into your life because you now have a perception of what that person could be.
You're in love with the potential of that person, but the reason you're in love with their potential is because they've been mirroring all your hopes and desires.
It's projection after projection, and it all came from YOU.
Now, the good news is that it all came from you.
It's still within you.
It was you making them into the perfect partner.
It wasn't them.
See, they are just holograms: pretty on the outside and absolutely nothing on the inside.
You could put your hand right through them.
And the truth is when you're saying to yourself, “Where's that person that I fell in love with?”
“Where's that person that I saw in the beginning of the relationship?”
Just look right inside yourself. That person is you.
This monster hologram shell of a human was never going to live up to all the love that you have to give because they are parasites.
They are leeching off of you.
They are sucking the energy out of you.
That's what narcissists do.
So no, they will not be better for the next person.
They do not change.
They continue these cycles of abuse over and over and over until they get into old age and even past that.
There might be someone willing to tolerate their abuse for longer than you did, but narcissists are NOT a better person after you.
However, if you are going through a breakup with the narcissist, you now have your life back.
You have all that cool and exciting stuff that you saw in them.
It's always been with you, so go use it.
For remote one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, email me: Danielle.radin@gmail.com
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Subscribing to this newsletter financially contributes to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center — providing education, awareness, and low-cost counseling to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Become a victim advocate with your donation!