Why does a narcissist discard you?

At some point, a narcissist will discard you. It is very painful.

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Why does a narcissist discard you? They discard you when they feel like you are seeing the true them and challenging them on it.

They don't want anybody to know the real them inside because on the inside they hate themselves. They not only don't want you to know the real them, they can't have you knowing the real them. They need everybody in their life to think that they are the smartest, the best, the most interesting, or the prettiest.

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When they see you seeing them, there's no option in their brain but to run and find somebody who either will not be able to see the real them or won't challenge them on it.

A narcissist’s self-esteem and self-worth relies on the affection and admiration of others. And when you say to them, “Hey, that thing that you did, it was really messed up and it seemed like you had bad intentions.”

They cannot handle that. They cannot take a mirror to themselves and say, “I should try to be a better person.”

All they can do is try to get rid of you. They cannot take constructive criticism, but they're really good at acting like they can in the moment. They will say to your face, “Oh yeah, I really need to work at that. I should get into therapy. I need to become a better person.”

But really what they're thinking is, “I need to find someone who will put up with my lies and manipulation, and that's not this person anymore.”

So if you get discarded, or, I hate to say it like this, but inevitably, when you get discarded and you feel like, wow, this person who I cared about so much just threw me out like a piece of trash, know that they are the pieces of trash, not you.

If you're asking yourself if the narcissist ever loved you or cared for you, that's a complicated answer. The answer is yes…in their own way, but not enough.

A narcissist doesn't have the capacity to love you in a way that you deserve.

They are only able to do what is best for themselves and they act selfishly all the time, which is not really love if you think about it.

Love is putting another person above you at times. Caring for somebody is doing things for another, even when you get no benefit from it.

A narcissist doesn't do that. They are transactional people. They only do things if they're going to get something in return.

Let’s say you’re very thirsty and you want to squeeze juice out of a fruit to drink. Instead of trying to squeeze juice from a completely dried-up fruitless peel, you can find other fruit and realize that it has a lot more to offer you than trying to get the last little morsel out of something that doesn't have a lot there to begin with.

And really, the best case scenario is to take that love that you were pouring into this person who didn't deserve it and turn it back on yourself.

Ask yourself: Do you love and care for you as much as you should? Because you probably haven't been loving yourself or taking care of yourself to the level you’ve been trying to do for the narcissist.

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you have had to spend all your energy appeasing them and catering to their needs. But you probably have not thought for a long time now, what does love look like to me?

What does self-love look like to me? What does self-care look like to me?

Start doing the stuff that will build up your self-confidence and self-worth so that you are never with a narcissist again who just takes and takes from you.

For remote one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, 
email me: Danielle.radin@gmail.com

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